onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I wish you could order shots online.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
