I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
