You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
