that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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