I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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