while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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