i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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