so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You've changed since you got that strap on
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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