you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
