hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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