the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
