idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
