Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
