dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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