No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
