when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
