u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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