I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
