After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
