OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
