Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
