stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
