so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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