He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
