respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
