I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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