my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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