what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
