Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Randomize
