I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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