But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
