woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
