we have officially lost it.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
