i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
