i already hear my dad disowning me
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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