Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
