dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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