NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
