did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
