i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
