Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
