i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
