No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
