I hate your face
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
