im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
