ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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