I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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