Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
