I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I think my nap took me to another dimension
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
