I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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