May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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