Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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