rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
