I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
These tits shall not be calmed
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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