i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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