I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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