Cold hands, warm shart.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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