that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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