4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
