Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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