I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
