I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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