I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
