There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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