Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
