i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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