im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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