Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
